to be or not to be

'iight' boo came out of his little shell last night and today...yesterday after we got back from chillin wit my fellow friend vicki..we had a lil txt convo..in this convo i talked to him about this whole blog thing and how i sit here and talk about him lol...then he asked me a question which we have came across before in the past..this question is ..what are we gonna become after i read this blog(just to paraphrase)...now i have really thought about this and my answer is idk..lol..yea sucks balls..but honestly idk..im completely fine wit whatever he wants..if he wanna keep things simple like we have it now im fine wit that...if he wants more then that sure why not thats cool too/..i just want him in my life to be honest....ok now wit that said he comes back a few texts down the road and states that he wants to be wit me...now this through me off guard cause now im sitting here like..do u wanna be wit me like make us an official thing or do u wanna be wit me like just be around me..and i ask him this and then he shuts the door in my face(not literally tho lol) he says idk and gives me a goodnight...now i understand completely why he did this and all...cause i probably would have done the same thing...now this morning i bring this convo up again and he clarifies for me what exactly he wants to be in my life..which is everything a girl could ask for lol basically....now when he said all that i was just speechless(had me showing all my braces lol) like i had no clue what to say back to him ...i finally come up wit a response tho but it took me for ever and a day cause i really thought about(dnt know if he got it or not)....ok well lets say he does wanna actually make shit official...1.imma have to get rid of his stalkerish ex girlfriend..already tired of her ass...2.that means we both are gonna have to learn to open up to ea. other cause if we cant talk about whats going on or what we want from the other one..we will get no where in life..3 imma have to get over being so afraid of him hurting me ...like since my last bf left i have puta steel wall around my heart but yet this one guy makes his way in..but im so afraid that if we get together and then its time for us to depart from each other and go to college imma have the hardest time trying to get over him cause i know good and well i probably wont hear from him..and that sucks balls..or maybe he might decide to get wit his ex or something or maybe he will realize that we were a mistake and he just wants to let me go altogether...ugh like really this could really happen and this is whats keeping me from letting myself fall tohard for him..like ive already fallen hard for him...no reason to even try and deny that one..but idk its all so confusing..if he was more expressive..not even through words..it could just be actions..just so i know we on the same page...cus his words is saying one thing..but the distant-one foot apart-dont hold me-dnt cupcake wit me-actions is saying another...until next time..misunderstooddani