Stiched Lips

well lately ive been kinda stressed out...well alil more than kinda ...ive been str8 up stressed......right now its about everything i can imagine......i really just need a true vacation....just me and bae or me by myself.....ive i had the dinero i would have me another "me" day......i would get my nails and toes done....go have a nice dinner(nothing expensive) and then go soak in the tub or get a massage or something...nothing too much...just me time.....i know sometimes i stress myself out because i like to analyze things to the fullest .....which really i cant help...but i try not to sometimes....right now the only things i really want to accomplish before school starts back is....find all the colleges i want to go to.....get a job...and i think thats about it...those are my goals for the summer....its been hard getting there...especially since im working by myself.....you know sometimes i really wanna talk about my inner most deepest feelings and thoughts.....i wanna talk about all the things that i would never let anyone know because they'll see me as being different or not normal....cus honestly ever lil thing gets to me and i know that...and i know its one of my weaknesses.....like in like 2 weeks im going to Winston-Salem for this big convention that ive been attending for like the past 3 years.....but this year im going to be staying in a room wit tyler and his mom...which i dont mind at all ...i just feel as if im intruding on their space.....cant really explain it like i want.....i just feel as if im not really welcome in a way...even tho i know good and well i am....idk....i just feel like and unexpected guest...idk....like stuff like that i wanna talk about....but i dont want to feel stupid afterwards(cough cough bae)....idk....its other stuff to like sometimes i have suicidal thoughts...yea yea i know im such a freak.....but those things i wanna talk about....especially those things...but i dont want ppl to shut me out wen i start because they dont wanna hear stuff like that....or idk......really cant get my words out right today....ill try again later..out