lost with a cry for help

im kinda at a lost right now....im lost in life...im lost in thought.....im lost in words.....i just dont know where to go anymore.......i mean....literally i kno but...mentally i dont....if that makes sense.....after that whole being mad at Tyler for talking to someone that i asked him not to ive just been really careless......some point while being mad at him i just sed to myself...."ok i just wont care anymore"...and a few hours later he sed the same thing in his facebook status.....and that just made me care even less....and since then..ive just dont care anymore.......yea he sed he wouldn't talk to the girl anymore but even if he did...i wouldn't care.....probably from now on anything he does i probably wont care anymore....i know thats a crappy way of solving problems but i mean....idk...idk why i did that...it just seems like things dont hurt as much if you dont care.....not saying that he hurt me...but just in case if he does it wont matter.....i cant really explain how i feel right now but its not good.....i really need someone to explain this to me....why am i feeling like this...and how can i stop it....if U(they know who you are)if you still care then you're probably thinking why cant i come to you and talk....but this time....i really dont think you would care.......ugh i feel so alone and unwanted......somebody help me ...

3:38pm.....................Lost with a cry for help continued

ok so i was just thinking and realized that i want more outta life........i have a car, ok grades, a great bf, a nice room, and eveyrthing that i need to survive....wat more can i ask for right?.....Wrong.....i want alot of other things too....maybe you say wants necessarily needed but i mean the things i want arent really things you can buy but things i want to change kinda......ok so 1st i want to be pretty.........ive been told that im pretty but i honestly dont think so....i have pretty days yea that maybe true...but to just have a natural beauty...no......i dress ok...mostly in tight jeans and fitted shirts....i can always change the way i dress but thats gonna take time.......as of physical looks...im decent...5'5 skinny 115 pounds nothing really to stare at....i personally want to have a nice figure..something that'll actually give me a reason to wear baby phatt or apple bottom lol......i want to wear shirts that ig they arent fitted itll actually look like i have a chest....but dont get me wrong i dont wanna be another typical black girl cus i dont want ppl to respect me and not just like me because i gotta ass or a C cup chest.....i just want enought for me to like my figure...im not out her to impress no one else........my hair is ok....about shoulder length....brown....with that i just want more to do with it....if im not wearing it down then its in a pony tail.....other than those things thats all i want as of apparence....2.i want to be rich(doesnt everybody) but wen i say rich i dont wanna be like living in a huge house with 5 car rich more like....my mom is well off....where if i wanna go shopping she can throw about 200 dolllars at me just cause...and i can have a better car...dont get me wrong i appreciate the car i have ....i just would prefere to have a lil better one......and 3.i want more freedom than im given....and i dont wanna be questioned about the lil things i ask to do like go to a different church or somthng.......o and last but not least i want my mother to be involved in my life but not to the point where she all on my jock and over protective...just enough for her to know the names of my friends and their parents if necessary.....out for now