Getting it all out

Hola world lmao.....well i decided that instead of trying to keep a diary i would do a blog because you can let out all your feelings n a diary but no one will ever read them and if im taking the time to actually open up(which is a very rare occassion) i would want some to at least read it. but n e ways back to my life.......well im 17 and im a jr. at my school. For a while i was a very miserable child. I kept to myself alot which i kinda still do but im a lil more open now. My dad passed away a month b4 i was born so i never knew him. But i do know the he had two other children b4 me with another women(no he didnt cheat) but ive only seen them a few times(theyre pretty cool). My gma lives with me and my mom which i dont mind. My and my mom dont really see eye to eye much....shit we barely talk and we live in the same house. We're basically like u do u and imma do me type basis. My gma me and her were close untill she started acting wreckless. Her more recent accusation is that im pregant(even tho i havent had sex in my life....waiting until marriage)...but thats kinda fadding. I make pretty decent grades...mostly a's and b's.....my friends a pretty neat too....i question myself about them most of the time....it seems as if they dont thnk about their actions and they dont see that they cut me out their lives but its all good...i kinda have two really close friends that i can talk to ....my x boyfriend used to be my best freind.....we broke up on the count that things werent working out as we wanted and honestly i believe that God didnt want us to be together....me and him still talk but im working on kinda fading him back a lil....cus wat he says and does is interferring with my current relationship....i still care about him but i got to do wats right....my current bf is awesome.....i dont see him as much as i want to cus we go to different schools but hes still great....im not even gonna lie sometimes he really urks my nerves and sometimes i do have trust issues but i work through them.....b4 i got with him there was this secret guy that i was talking to that no one knew about except one person.....but u know due to my new relationship we couldnt be together...so i had to cut that loose...my feelings are kinda still there but i dont express them nor are they strong enough for me to consider gettin with him....i see him at school with a new girl and yea it pisses me the hell off and wen i toldem about how i felt about it...he kinda flipped on me.....so im working on letting those feelings go for good.....and maybe even fadding him away to.....i hate that i have to do it but i mean i gotta do wat i gotta do.....the main lession i have learned in my life is that.....Even tho wats right may seem so wrong you have to let go and see wats behind the next door...cnt linger in the past or ull be stuck in a cycle.....n e ways....lets go back to my mother.......now im the only child and for those who are the only child know that that means over protective parents....i never open up to my mom cus the last time i did she didnt pay me any attention so that stopped asap....but she can be so ...wats the word...annoying.....non understanding...well idk she just doesnt get the fact that im a teenager and i want to do things that teenagers do like go hang out and party and be social outside the telefone or cpu. I was given a car by my uncle(who trys to be my father but that doesnt work) and now that im mobile i want to do things but wen i ask she'll be like no without even hearing me out......like today i have plans to go out but i know shes gonna give me a hard time about it....and i hope that shes not gonna let me go cus that will just freak my whole daye up....but i have a friend you goes through the same problem but she can actually talk to her mom and aunts about it.....im kinda stuck to typing up on here for n e one to actually hear me...which sucks eggs but i mean i realy want to release it....i pray alot now....more then i have ever prayed before and im actually a religious person who prays everyday.......but lately my prayers have been cumn in blessing for me.......and i thak god for those blessng but i wish and need for him to actually open up some doors for me .......which i know he wll wen he feels its necessary but i really want them now......i cant really think of wat else i want to say so i guess these is it until later....... ~~Misunderstood~~